Yesterday I put a poll in my stories for topics you all want me to cover, and this was a reader suggestion. It really caught my attention.I definitely deal with self esteem issues; and I am sure I am not alone in this. We always talk so much about self esteem with children and teenagers. But not often do we address this as adults.
I am a very sensitive person, and my self esteem goes in waves. There are weeks that I feel great, and confident, and healthy. And there are weeks that I am really down on myself. I beat myself about a lot of things; how I look, how I parent, my purpose, and what I am doing with my life (on a personal/career level).
I have found that self esteem really has a lot to do with how I am taking care of myself. Eating well, sleeping well, working out, not drinking or going out too much. I think that a healthy marriage + sex life also plays into this as well. If we are not perceived wanted or attractive that really weighs on our self esteem. I am thankful for a kind and loving spouse who really has always been very complimentary and makes me feel good. I don’t know what I would do without him! He is the one person that can really pull me out of a funk. I am thankful for that. Find a spouse or partner that will encourage and lift you up. And I think if in your current situation you are feeling that is lacking, do not be afraid to say that you need a little TLC. We get wrapped up in our lives as parents, and with our careers that we forget to stop and say, hey you look really good today. Or, I am really proud of you right now. A tiny compliment goes a long way in a relationship.
Comparing yourself can completely kill your self esteem. I talked about this a bit in my social media post, but it can really bring you down. DON’T DO IT! It truly is the thief of joy! And it makes you question your own self worth.
My self esteem was not great as a new mom. I felt really out of my element, my body went to shit, and I was missing my career and the chid free lifestyle. I had to leave that selfish 29 year old behind and grow up real fast. I was now caring solely for someone else. I was also brand new to Kansas City, and was one of the first of my friends to have a baby. I felt very alone, and to be honest I wasn’t super happy. I would say 30-35 were some of my most difficult years. But, it was also the reason that I started blogging; so there was some good that came out of it! I feel like this creative outlet really saved. It gave me purpose and enjoyment, during a dark time in my life.
Right after Vivi was born (age 33), I started to build up my styling and writing career. I got the writing position at the Kansas City Star, I was styling for commercial clients, and building up personal clients as well. Things were falling into place and it really gave my self esteem a boost. I felt like I was really succeeding in all facets of my life.
Post “baby phase”, 35-40 were some of the best years of my life. I was very happy, and I felt good about myself. I found my “people”, my career was going great; Health House was born, and I felt like I got my body back when I started working out at Health House. I felt healthy and happy, and I was no longer baby sleep deprived! I was finally carving out time for myself to workout, get a mani/pedi, and do work that I loved. All things that created a healthy/happy balance for me and made me feel better about myself.
Since moving, and struggling with starting over my self esteem hasn’t been great. I was very insecure moving to a new town and putting myself out there. I think I am lucky that I am pretty outgoing, and can put on a brave face but underneath it all I was very much a shell of myself. My workouts were halted because of an injury so that really messed me up (mentally and physically). I left my career behind in KC, and I am not sure where I want to go next, and this is something that I really struggle with. I feel like I am almost to the other side of this slump, but the last 6 months haven’t been my best!
But, I know these things don’t last long. And, if you are struggling with self esteem, don’t be discouraged. There are ways to get beyond it. Find something that makes you happy and do it, do not be afraid to take care of you first! If that doesn’t help, find someone to talk to and who will encourage you! Also surround yourself with people that value you, and eliminate those that bring negativity to your life.
This may not be related, but I do think this helps! I take 5HTP 100 MG a day, which is a natural mood booster. Also check out Rhodial, which is a natural supplement that relieves anxiety and depression. We love the Thorne Brand.
Personally, I have started volunteering again which makes me feel great. I am going to start working again (news on that to come!), and I feel so happy about new friends and connections I have made. I am also back taking classes, and being able to push myself a little harder at the gym. I may not be where I want to be physically, but I am just happy to be able to workout pain free! I know that self esteem is something I will always have to work on. But as I get older, I find that it is much easier to recognize how I am feeling, and how I can help myself for the better!